Episode 3: Beginning of A New Phase

Actually, the episode that Im going to post right after this and all the following episodes are my writings in my phone note since 2017...what I need to do is just copy them and paste them here...just simple as that...it might be my passion or maybe it just my hobby when I had no one to tell this story of mine...so here it is the only place I can bluffing about anything...without further due, here is my Episode 3

You know that I am all the way ignorant since school....I dont give a damn what people might say bout me...being called a robot, didn't have a feeling, I was grown up with that...

But since I am getting old...almost 30 in a few years...I had to think deep about phases in my life I suppose to go through...I missed a few important moments in the past when I still younger that I supposed to go through as a normal girl...but unluckily, I never had that moment...

A new phase of life I mean here is about how my thought slightly changing...being happy the way I am is not my choice anymore...I start to feel so lonely lately...i know that I am the one that keeping myself far away on being chase out....feeling like I was isolated...

Recently, I started to realise that I becoming obsessive about that guy i've been admired...I stalked him for every couple of hours...I just couldn't afford to control myself...i tried to retain myself so that I can stop stalk him...what is the used of stalked if I have no guts to approach him...it is useless and wasted my time...

I just wanted to be given a chance...opportunity to confess...a space, a courage to confront him and say out loud bout what I ve been keeping....but he is far away...so far to reach out...I just wanted someone who would care, miss and worry about me...someone that i can rely on...someone that I can trust...someone that can be honest towards me...no pretending and not faking it...

Dah lama saya nk bagi tau..tapi malu...x tertahan hati ini rasa pilu..x dapat meluahkan apa yg terbuku..akhirnya tanpa segan silu...sy terpaksa bagi tau..yg I love u

Tadi tu hanya lirik berlagu...bagaikan rap merapu...tapi membawa maksud beribu...moga kita bersatu menjadi jiwa yang padu...

X pernah ku sangka..yg aku hebat berkarya...mengubat hati yg duka...bila cinta tidak berkata...hanya karya menjadi media...luahan hati dan jiwa...

Moga kau bisa mengerti...apa yg terpendam di lubuk hati...menjadi bukti cinta sejati...yg x kan pernah diperolehi...

the story about that mystery guy i'd post for next episode...it might be a long and kind of boring and lame story but yet, those short moment I had and felt was priceless...Im already over him cause I know where exactly I should stand...the story was just a history...that I hope could repeat itself

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Episode 2: Such Unlucky Spinster

This is what I've been keeping all this while. I wanted to post this since in the month of Ramadhan but I kept on  procrastinate. Things always happened in the middle of my writing with no internet coverage, I suddenly forgot how to compose new post, had a hard time to post my entry using my phone and end up I didn't post it until today I had a chance and I immediately grab my laptop, started typing and here we go...My Episode 2: Such Unlucky Spinster.

The title above might make people wondering  who is the unlucky one...it is depend on the readers to guess who's the person...might be me...might be you...you...and you...

But the most crucial things are...how we accept the fact of what we really are...stop underestimate ourself....being humble is good in such a way but overly humble make you lose or miss the beautiful part of your life...

Thinking about being a spinster make me wanted to do something extraordinary...something not really me....but I am so ashame to ask what I really wanted to do...I just wanted to go for a....a....a.....a blind date....cause my life start to feel a bit lonely recently....I also want to have a 'special friend'...who would like me back....that make me smile every single night before going to bed...

I just wanted to see or meet someone who could fill up my empty space...this lonesome is killing me...in such a way that I feel rotten from inside out...I might not say anything....might not ask someone to match made me...but the real is I really wanted for someone to find someone for me...I wanted to be the next match made in heaven...a lovebirds...a star-crossed lover or else a soulmate...please don't misunderstanding me...my silence here doesn't mean that I hate to have someone...but my silence mean that I am ready to meet my destiny...I am ready it is just a matter of time...a matter of suitability or a matter of place....I believe someone somewhere is still looking for me...I really hope that he meet me pretty soon...take me away into a better life...

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Raya Spirit of 2018

Before I continue with my Episode 2, I want to wish all of my muslim friends and relatives a very happy and joyful Hari Raya Aidilfitri. My Raya this year was awesome and even now we are still in the mood of Raya. Even though my preparation and celebration of Raya was only modest but Alhamdulillah, it was such a warm and joyful moments together with my wonderful close relatives and I am very grateful with what I have right now. So, to show the spirit of Raya, I want to share a few raya moments in here as my Raya 2018 memory. So, check this out!!

All shop made except for kerepek pisang by my mom

With my sweet & handsome lil' boy

Gwiyomi!!!

L.O.L (Lots of Love)

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Episode 1: No Story To Tell

Browsing and scrolling through my fb page could sometime triggered my brain to write something...just now, I read about some of my fb friends love story..their first love...their broken heart..their first met...how they met each other...when their heart got attracted...why they liked each other...so much fun to tell those kind of story..

But it seem different for me..yeahh, I got jealous with all of them...with their love stories...how happy they are having each other by their side...how they can do everything together...having kids of their own...got excited posting photos of their cute babies...how they travel for their honeymoon...I had been reading all of their stories wondering when I would have a chance telling my own wonderful and exciting story too...I had nothing to tell...nothing to share...and it is very sad and such a lonesome...

i just wish that I can turn back my time, finding my own destiny diligently...no shame, not listening to what others said, no regret and just keep trying hard even I know its impossible for someone ugly like me to be liked...i just hope that I can be more confident to confess and try not to hide how I feel deep inside my heart...when I realized that I started to fell for someone, I always pretended my heart the other way around cause I dont know how to deal with it...i always thought that if that kind of feeling was mutual, I dont have to make a move, be patient and somehow I definitely going to gain that...but it was totally wrong, each time I pretended, they got swifted away...and end up with someone else...I was so blind back then and even right now not knowing what love means...

for now, I can only read theirs' story...convincing my heart not to be sad or gloomy...someday somehow...I just have to be patient....keep improving myself...enjoy my life and treat my parents well....

Do not worry sarah...you still have a bright and amazing future ahead....do not be offended with what others' have...just be grateful and appreciate every little thing that you have..in that way, you know you'll be okay..

Maybe your destiny is not with the random fella...someone amazing cannot come easily right? Just believe that u going to be pay with what you had been through...the greater the obstacle the greater the outcome....
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The Return of Sarah

Haii....welcome back to my blog...today I am so excited to share with u guys about what happened to me during this 3 years of hibernation....hahaha

I know, i'd been neglected this blog without any entry due to my busy schedule...i'd been writing a lot in my notes...when I got some idea, I immediately take out my phone and start to type...

So today, I think u are so lucky because I am so free and I wanted to post this introduction entry in this 3 years for the first time..

I had a lot of stories that I just left in my phone and I just waiting for the right time to share...so guys, do not shocked, there will be a lot of entry after this...I promise that i'm gointg to post one by one time to time....

What im going to write is really personal...and how I felt recently...on how my preception of life change a lil bit...so see you next time in my first episode of my changed life...





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Your CrusH is GettiNg mArriEd??

Ideas come together when I am nowhere to write...now, when I am here to write, ideas never come....

But wait...ohhh, i just remember that I kept a few words to share here in my planner....

Knowing your crush is getting married is the worst and the last thing I ever wanted to hear...but for some reasons, maybe know about that is the best for me....I won't be wondered anymore about how his life now, what is he doing? isn't he in good condition? isn't he sick? no more questions about that occurred in my mind...no more puzzle or guessing session...everything seem clear and you won't be hope to see him again or hoping to be together with him...the news totally would wipe you off for sometime, but in a while you found it something relieve....

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Si bOdaCh

Assalamaualaikum wbt & evening everyone....

Hari ni aku nak perkenalkan satu watak yang ramai tak kenal....tapi sebenarnya watak tu sentiasa ada di sekeliling kita....kalaulah kita sedar tentang kewujudan watak ni secara mata kasar...aku pasti tak ada orang yang nak buat jahat atau ada niat jahat sekalipun....sekarang ni pun aku pasti aku dikelilingi oleh watak2 tersebut...

Dalam entry yang lepas...terlampau banyak kata2 yang tak faham dek akal...bila aku baca balik....merepek je semua benda tu....aku rasa kalau aku baca balik beberapa bulan yang akan datang aku sendiri pun tak ingat dengan apa yang pernah berlaku....bagus juga macam tu kan...kata2 tu diluahkan disini supaya tak ada yang tertinggal di hati malah cuma menjadi angin yang membujur lalu melintang patah....tapi ada satu watak yang ramai tak pernah dengar...sebab guna perkataan lain....kalau aku guna perkataan yang sama tak mencabar la kan...baca pun bosan...jadi aku gunalah perkataan tu...lagi pun, nama tu lagi sedap disebut....

Watak yang aku maksudkan ialah 'bodach'....nama tu aku dapat bila aku tengok satu cerita hollywood tu...cerita tu sebenarnya tak la lama sangat...filem 2013...aku pun tak pasti sama ada filem ni pernah masuk panggung wayang kat Malaysia ke tak...mungkin ada tapi orang tak berapa minat sebab ceritanya tak ada kaitan dengan gangster, dadah, drift2, sains fiksyen or seram2....yang ada bagi aku cuma maksud yang tersirat membawa seribu satu pengajaran....sebenarnya cerita ni adaptasi dari novel Odd Thomas...tajuk filem pun masih sama Odd Thomas....

Intipati cerita ni mudah je...aku nak tunjukkan watak 'bodach' tu je sebenarnya...watak makhluk yang amat seram, merayap merata2....bergayut dekat orang yang jiwanya dah buta....membisik2 ke cuping telinga manusia supaya merosakkan muka bumi...dan nak dijadikan cerita, ada satu watak pemuda yang mempunyai kelebihan dapat melihat 'bodach' dengan mata kasar....bayangkan, setiap hari dia kena berlagak macam tak nampak sebab kalau 'bodach' tu tau yang dia boleh nampak, buruk nasib dia....

Kita sebagai orang Islam pun pasti tau makhluk tu kan....ia adalah makhluk Allah juga...yang dah bersumpah takkan berhenti memesongkan akidah umat Islam sampailah kiamat nanti....apa lagi kalau bukan syaitan....tu lah 'bodach' @ syaitan yang aku maksudkan....

Cerita ni ada tersirat seribu satu maksud....kalau nak tau kena lah tengok sendiri...tapi bagi aku, bila tengok 'bodach' merayap2 ikut manusia, menjilat2 makanan yang dimakan....bergayut atas kepala....rasa seram dan geli pun ada...masa tu dalam kepala aku, terdetik rasa kesedaran diri...nasib baik kita sebagai umat Islam ada doa2 yang disarankan dibaca atas apa2 perbuatan yang dibuat setiap hari untuk mengelakkan kita digayuti oleh ''bodach'...

Tengok!!...mat saleh pun tau buat cerita2 macam ni kan...kita yang dah ada Al-Quran sebagai panduan tak pernah sedar dan selalu leka akan kewujudan makhluk ni....malah tak pernah nak jadikan doa2 tu sebagai amalan hidup kita....

Aku pun ape kurangnya...banyak doa yang kita tau baca masa kecil2 dulu je...bila dah besar kita ambil enteng dengan amalan2 tu...rasa macam outdated la kononnya...sedangkan, si mat saleh dalam cerita ni bermati-matian cuba nak bunuh si bodach ni dengan apa cara sekali pun ....tapi kesian, mereka tak ada harta yang paling bernilai yang kita ada iaitu Al-Quran....

Oleh itu kawan2 Islam sekalian...bersyukurlah dengan apa yang kita ada dan pelajari...jangan ambil ringan amalan2  & doa2 yang pernah kita selalu baca zaman kanak2 kita....jadikanlah amalan kita sampai akhir hayat nanti...InshaaAllah, Allah akan melindungi kita dari niat jahat diri sendiri mahu pun orang lain....malah hidup kita akan lebih berkat dan aman....

Nasib baik kita sebagai manusia ada hijab yang menutup mata kita dari nampak si bodach ni....kalau tak, tiap2 hari hidup dalam ketakutan....

Kesian.....tak terlawan si Oddie ni...kita sebagai orang Islam, gunakanlah iman & doa untuk menepis segala godaan dan bisikan2 bodach ni....InshaaAllah, Allah akan jauhkan....

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