Episode 6: Lunatic Obsessive Admirer Part 2

It's been a hectic this week...with so many works need to be done at the same time...when the deadline is on the same day, I have to fight nails and tooth just to meet the deadline...by hook or by crook he said I have to finish it...no matter how your body suffered, with lack of rest and unproper meals, I have to bear...in the end, I made it...how relieved I was when I clicked on the send button...😚😰

So thats it...enough with my work, let us continue with the main entry, the main characters and the main story...so today is my Episode 6

Today, he really came for the meeting...ayu wasn't come..he came with his colleague...at first, I was nervous..but when I saw him looked so smart in his blue shirt (same colour with my tudung surprisingly) with his neat combed hair...I was amazed...in my heart, I'd say 'handsome nye dia'.

What make me blushed was when he sat next to me in the meeting...I didn't look at him cause I was so nervous...and that moment, how I wished I am pretty and younger...👧

The meeting that supposed to be ended in the afternoon around 12 was continued untill evening...I was happy actually because the time we were together was longer than I thought...despite of felt bored and burden, I felt delighted...but he didn't like it..he just wanted to go back ASAP...for me the longer he was here the happier I felt...we lunch together, discussed together and I was happy to talk with him...what made me surprised was when we discussed about a few lot with issue there was a place where unforgetable moment happened as he was the one saving my flown away plan in the rain...when the chairman talked about that lot, he immediately whispered to me...is that the place while we were checking the lot, a big tractor appeared...I just smiled and nodded to him...in my heart, I said oh my god, he still remember that moment...where after the big tractor appeared, while I was trying to run away from the tractor, my plan was flown away and he was the one who picked up and handed me that plan...once again I felt so happy...

After the meeting, I just wanted to sent him off...saying goodbye..but I was being held by en. Faredzul, MADA officer...he kept talking with me and abg kerul...talked about the work and all his ex superior who turned out to be my superior which were dato' Loh and Mr. Chiang...I thought that he would went back already cause the talking took about 15 minutes...but when I stepped out from JPS office, I took a glanced toward the parking lot just in front of the office, I could see his white car was still there...I was sooo happy...😍😘😊

He was in the driver seat, the door was wide open...his friend was standing outside of the car smoking...i can see him trying to switched on the engine but it didn't worked...in my heart once again I whispered...is this what people call destiny...😍😍 I walked slowly to my car that I parked just next to his car and put my bag inside..then I went to his car tried to check what happened...he was trying to switched on the engine..the way he trying to insert the key into the key panel, trying to rotate the key again and again was so cool...I was like...oh my god, he looked awesome, stylish and very manly...I had to calm down cause I didn't want anybody to see my blushing face...I was smilling broadly inside my heart...

After a few unsuccessful attempt to switched on the car, abg kerul offered him to find any close by mechanic, so we left them and I drove my car to help them find a mechanic...but half way out, he called and told abg kerul that the car can be started...so I just left and still didn't had the opportunity to say goodbye...if this is not the end, I would love to see him again...I really love that...all the way back to office, I was smilling, but I had to controlled not to be seen by abg kerul...

In the office, I felt like I want to dance...i
 danced a bit fyi 😆😆  cause I was so happy...it had been a long time I didn't felt this kind of feeling...having this feeling again was so good even tho it was only a one sided feeling...😍😘😍

And that night, around 9...I made a bold attempt to text him to ask about his car...I was doubted at first whether to text him or not...my heart was beating so hard when I tried to touch the sent button...and I thought o myself, if it wasn't now, I might not having any opportunity in the future...so I touched the sent button and  I immediately threw my phone away cause I was ashame...a few minutes later, he replied...I was so happy...we texting to each other about 2 hours...a few things we had chatted and it was a good chat...😁😁 I know this might be the first and the last time I can chat with him..after this, I really don't know what the reason to text him...😢😢 I dont want to be greedy keep wanted more but I really really hope that this is not the end...I knew I really had fall in love with this guy...he had all the criteria of my dream guy...if he is not the one...perhaps I can meet someone who exactly just like him...but I really hope that he is the one...hopefully 😆😆😆

People say, it is better to be rejected rather than not trying to do anything...I know exactly what I need to do if I'd be rejected...yeah, I might be sad for a moment but I used with it...the problem is, I really dont know what I should do if i'd be accepted...so what are u waiting for, tell him how you had been felt about him...confess to him..its seem so simple, but it is actually harder to share whats in my heart...i might create a big, strong wall between us if I confess..things won't be the same anymore...I am so scare with the consequent afterwards...destiny, right now I need your help...please play your role...I really need you to bring us back together again...I was so tired being dump a thousand time...



Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ

Episode 5: Lunatic Obsessive Admirer Part 1

Assalamualaikum wbt & hi everyone...(I lost my words and don't know how to greet)...well, actually Im trying my best to post all my episodes in here...hopefully, i'd manage to do that...there are about 4-5 episodes left so im wishing myself best of luck...it is not easy to share and revealed the stories i've been hiding since last year..it took me about a few months before I decided to share...so I think whoever read my episodes are lucky enough to know my stories...you might be the chosen one...so keep on reading...may all the lucks be with you...this episode tells on how my feeling started to grow...here we go...my episode 5

When something like this happened to me...I feel wronged....how could this happened to me...why I fall in love with him...why himm...why it was happened that he was the one who picked up my plan...why u help me picked up the plan...why didn't u just ignore it and let someone else (if there was one) did that for me..why he did this to me...why he made me really into him...why!! Why!! Why!!! 😱😫😖🙇

He was really cruel cause he made me this way...he shouldn't make me fall in love with him if he didnt felt the same way...this is so unfair....😳😳

before I started to turn into some obsessive lunatic admirer...I get a hold of myself...collecting some sense and then come up with a very good idea in preventing my heart to fall deeper in love with that gentleman...what I had been doing the whole day today is, if I started to think to stalk him....I would selawat toward prophet muhammad s.a.w...in that way, instead of checking whether he's online or not I had turn to gain more pahala...Alhamdulillah...I think this is a best method to control your heart feeling by turning them into positive way...I hope to be istiqamah...keep maintaining doing this and stop this obsessive behaviour....😊😊

I cannot lie to myself...pretending that im all  ok... I just cannot stop thinking about him... I did my best to forget about what happened... I feel like I'm dying I'm suffering.... Suffocating... I don't want to keep feeling upset thinking about myself keep failing to confess... keep obsessed about someone... I just don't think that I deserve him... He was much more better than me... too kind too Handsome to handle... I just wanted to say this 3 word to him if I get the opportunity... That I liked him since he picked up my plan... And when he started to admitted his colleague fault in front of the landlord.. He was really down to earth... And that's what makes me to like him more...

I got a few pictures of him but only his side and back view.... I don't know how but I got his pic when I capture some site view for my work.. I keep looking at those pictures wondering if I could tell him the truth about how I feel and confess....

Whether I am lucky enough or destiny really bring us back together...the moment i've been waiting for is about to happen...after pn hidayah called me and told me that there is a meeting with JPS, MADA and surveyor...I can see a light through my eyes....yeah, I felt delighted, blushed to think about he might be attend too...

And because of that, I made a deal with my own self...I told myself....sarah, if it happened that he is the one that attend the meeting or he show up in the meeting, I wanted to confess to him...I want to tell him how much I like him...despite of his age...I know he's way younger than me but I dont mind...I like him the way he is...I really liked him since that day...

That's why I didn't ask ayu who'd coming for this meeting...I keep my mouth shut and I didn't ask untill today she called me and told me herself she and that guy would come...I was shocked...because I really sure that he'd not come...because the one that prepared and amend the plan is ayu not him...I thought the one who might come is en.ismail because he has much more experience that anyone else...that's why I made the deal...

I thought I had to take back my deal...the deal is canceled...I dont want to confess...I dont want to make thing complicated...I dont want to change this professional relationship into something awkward....noo, im not going to do that...I'm sorry, I take back my words...no more confession, the deal is off...

I want to act casual if he come tomorrow...I dont want anything to be revealed...let Allah decide what the best for me...I dont want to have any desire...I just need to play cool....like there's nothing bothered me...doesn't mean that u had no one to be loved or no one by your side...you cannot be happy...happiness is what you attempt to be...happiness doesn't choose whom deserve to be happy....its in your hand...so girls, dont be sad...just get out from here n be happy...😁😁


Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ

Episode 4: Silence is Killing Me

I thought of posting my entry gradually every week but unfortunately, a lots of things happened and I didn't post any last week. Well, it was a bit disappointed cause there was not much viewer for this blog. I  am not an attention seeker but just hope that people out there show their concern by reading my blog even without comment. Nevermind, I can think of this as my diary that can be accessed worldwide but only read by me. Lets cut to the chase and begin our Episode 4. Here it is.

Everyone around me who knows me as a friend would notice from their first impression that I am a very quiet and shy person....that is the truth about  me....sometime, I feel like being quite can be seen as an ignorance...someone who doesn't care about anything around him or her...yesss, thats also true...and because of that kind of shyness....I suffered a lot...I tend to keep my feeling inside without telling anyone...I didn't share any story about my crush with anyone...that is why he didn't know my real intention....and the most important thing....how I felt about him...


Because of this silence...I dont dare to share my feeling....because of it...I miss a golden opportunity that might never come again....I had so many chances to talk with him...but I only realized it just now...about that missing chances....
1. Why I didn't reply his text when he said "terima kasih 😁"...I supposed to say "sama sama" with a smiley 😉 or maybe some tricky words there...sama2 kasih 😍😍😍

2. Why I didn't look straight into his eyes 😳 Give the warmest smile i've ever had 😆 and say the most sincere thanks 😇 when he picked up and handed me that flown away 🌫 plan in the raining 🌧at paddy field ....I don't even say a proper thanks...I was shocked 😅 when he was the one that saving my precious plan...it was so abrupt and at that moment my heart was thumping hard💓...that was why I needed to cover and my thanks seem unclear...I didn't know if he heard 👂it or not....

3. Why I didn't say goodbye 🤗 or thanks after the site visit that day...I just went straight into the car 🚙 and didn't even give a glance 😏...I supposed to meet him for the last time...say a proper thanks after a long tiring 😰 site visit as he was the one that lead us the way...I know I was being rude...i might not see him again after this  😭...because this is the last block for him to handle in this project....I admit that i was so nervous 😳 to see him...because.....I realized that....I really liked him...and I think that...I had fall in love with this guy...😢😢

But unfortunately, everything was ended that day...I didn't heard from him anymore 😔...day after day seem so hard for me 🙇...I felt miserable 😖...uneasy 😫....since I missed that chances, I had been hoping that a magical thing could destined us back together...InshaaAllah

I think I have recovered my heart 🤕... Slowly I can forget about him... Maybe this is the best thing I should do  because I don't want to be hurt anymore.... I don't want to be in one sided love anymore....I am tired 😰 of it I'm sick of it 🤒...

But lately, after about a month I didn't heard anything from him...I've been stalked him for the last couple of days....I kept on checking his last seen in whatsapp....wondered who is he chatting with if I seen him online....I wish that I am bold enough to say hi to him...how I wanted to confess that I really fall in love with him on that rainy day...how I wanted to see him again...😫

Why I felt this way...whats wrong with me...and at the same time i really wanted to tell someone about the uneasiness of my heart....I couldn't sleep cause I kept thinking bout this....😌


Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ

Episode 3: Beginning of A New Phase

Actually, the episode that Im going to post right after this and all the following episodes are my writings in my phone note since 2017...what I need to do is just copy them and paste them here...just simple as that...it might be my passion or maybe it just my hobby when I had no one to tell this story of mine...so here it is the only place I can bluffing about anything...without further due, here is my Episode 3

You know that I am all the way ignorant since school....I dont give a damn what people might say bout me...being called a robot, didn't have a feeling, I was grown up with that...

But since I am getting old...almost 30 in a few years...I had to think deep about phases in my life I suppose to go through...I missed a few important moments in the past when I still younger that I supposed to go through as a normal girl...but unluckily, I never had that moment...

A new phase of life I mean here is about how my thought slightly changing...being happy the way I am is not my choice anymore...I start to feel so lonely lately...i know that I am the one that keeping myself far away on being chase out....feeling like I was isolated...

Recently, I started to realise that I becoming obsessive about that guy i've been admired...I stalked him for every couple of hours...I just couldn't afford to control myself...i tried to retain myself so that I can stop stalk him...what is the used of stalked if I have no guts to approach him...it is useless and wasted my time...

I just wanted to be given a chance...opportunity to confess...a space, a courage to confront him and say out loud bout what I ve been keeping....but he is far away...so far to reach out...I just wanted someone who would care, miss and worry about me...someone that i can rely on...someone that I can trust...someone that can be honest towards me...no pretending and not faking it...

Dah lama saya nk bagi tau..tapi malu...x tertahan hati ini rasa pilu..x dapat meluahkan apa yg terbuku..akhirnya tanpa segan silu...sy terpaksa bagi tau..yg I love u

Tadi tu hanya lirik berlagu...bagaikan rap merapu...tapi membawa maksud beribu...moga kita bersatu menjadi jiwa yang padu...

X pernah ku sangka..yg aku hebat berkarya...mengubat hati yg duka...bila cinta tidak berkata...hanya karya menjadi media...luahan hati dan jiwa...

Moga kau bisa mengerti...apa yg terpendam di lubuk hati...menjadi bukti cinta sejati...yg x kan pernah diperolehi...

the story about that mystery guy i'd post for next episode...it might be a long and kind of boring and lame story but yet, those short moment I had and felt was priceless...Im already over him cause I know where exactly I should stand...the story was just a history...that I hope could repeat itself

Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ

Episode 2: Such Unlucky Spinster

This is what I've been keeping all this while. I wanted to post this since in the month of Ramadhan but I kept on  procrastinate. Things always happened in the middle of my writing with no internet coverage, I suddenly forgot how to compose new post, had a hard time to post my entry using my phone and end up I didn't post it until today I had a chance and I immediately grab my laptop, started typing and here we go...My Episode 2: Such Unlucky Spinster.

The title above might make people wondering  who is the unlucky one...it is depend on the readers to guess who's the person...might be me...might be you...you...and you...

But the most crucial things are...how we accept the fact of what we really are...stop underestimate ourself....being humble is good in such a way but overly humble make you lose or miss the beautiful part of your life...

Thinking about being a spinster make me wanted to do something extraordinary...something not really me....but I am so ashame to ask what I really wanted to do...I just wanted to go for a....a....a.....a blind date....cause my life start to feel a bit lonely recently....I also want to have a 'special friend'...who would like me back....that make me smile every single night before going to bed...

I just wanted to see or meet someone who could fill up my empty space...this lonesome is killing me...in such a way that I feel rotten from inside out...I might not say anything....might not ask someone to match made me...but the real is I really wanted for someone to find someone for me...I wanted to be the next match made in heaven...a lovebirds...a star-crossed lover or else a soulmate...please don't misunderstanding me...my silence here doesn't mean that I hate to have someone...but my silence mean that I am ready to meet my destiny...I am ready it is just a matter of time...a matter of suitability or a matter of place....I believe someone somewhere is still looking for me...I really hope that he meet me pretty soon...take me away into a better life...

Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ

Raya Spirit of 2018

Before I continue with my Episode 2, I want to wish all of my muslim friends and relatives a very happy and joyful Hari Raya Aidilfitri. My Raya this year was awesome and even now we are still in the mood of Raya. Even though my preparation and celebration of Raya was only modest but Alhamdulillah, it was such a warm and joyful moments together with my wonderful close relatives and I am very grateful with what I have right now. So, to show the spirit of Raya, I want to share a few raya moments in here as my Raya 2018 memory. So, check this out!!

All shop made except for kerepek pisang by my mom

With my sweet & handsome lil' boy

Gwiyomi!!!

L.O.L (Lots of Love)

Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ

Episode 1: No Story To Tell

Browsing and scrolling through my fb page could sometime triggered my brain to write something...just now, I read about some of my fb friends love story..their first love...their broken heart..their first met...how they met each other...when their heart got attracted...why they liked each other...so much fun to tell those kind of story..

But it seem different for me..yeahh, I got jealous with all of them...with their love stories...how happy they are having each other by their side...how they can do everything together...having kids of their own...got excited posting photos of their cute babies...how they travel for their honeymoon...I had been reading all of their stories wondering when I would have a chance telling my own wonderful and exciting story too...I had nothing to tell...nothing to share...and it is very sad and such a lonesome...

i just wish that I can turn back my time, finding my own destiny diligently...no shame, not listening to what others said, no regret and just keep trying hard even I know its impossible for someone ugly like me to be liked...i just hope that I can be more confident to confess and try not to hide how I feel deep inside my heart...when I realized that I started to fell for someone, I always pretended my heart the other way around cause I dont know how to deal with it...i always thought that if that kind of feeling was mutual, I dont have to make a move, be patient and somehow I definitely going to gain that...but it was totally wrong, each time I pretended, they got swifted away...and end up with someone else...I was so blind back then and even right now not knowing what love means...

for now, I can only read theirs' story...convincing my heart not to be sad or gloomy...someday somehow...I just have to be patient....keep improving myself...enjoy my life and treat my parents well....

Do not worry sarah...you still have a bright and amazing future ahead....do not be offended with what others' have...just be grateful and appreciate every little thing that you have..in that way, you know you'll be okay..

Maybe your destiny is not with the random fella...someone amazing cannot come easily right? Just believe that u going to be pay with what you had been through...the greater the obstacle the greater the outcome....
Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ

The Return of Sarah

Haii....welcome back to my blog...today I am so excited to share with u guys about what happened to me during this 3 years of hibernation....hahaha

I know, i'd been neglected this blog without any entry due to my busy schedule...i'd been writing a lot in my notes...when I got some idea, I immediately take out my phone and start to type...

So today, I think u are so lucky because I am so free and I wanted to post this introduction entry in this 3 years for the first time..

I had a lot of stories that I just left in my phone and I just waiting for the right time to share...so guys, do not shocked, there will be a lot of entry after this...I promise that i'm gointg to post one by one time to time....

What im going to write is really personal...and how I felt recently...on how my preception of life change a lil bit...so see you next time in my first episode of my changed life...





Menarik tak?? Sila tekan button LIKE dibawah..TQ