Episode 6: Lunatic Obsessive Admirer Part 2

It's been a hectic this week...with so many works need to be done at the same time...when the deadline is on the same day, I have to fight nails and tooth just to meet the deadline...by hook or by crook he said I have to finish it...no matter how your body suffered, with lack of rest and unproper meals, I have to bear...in the end, I made it...how relieved I was when I clicked on the send button...😚😰

So thats it...enough with my work, let us continue with the main entry, the main characters and the main story...so today is my Episode 6

Today, he really came for the meeting...ayu wasn't come..he came with his colleague...at first, I was nervous..but when I saw him looked so smart in his blue shirt (same colour with my tudung surprisingly) with his neat combed hair...I was amazed...in my heart, I'd say 'handsome nye dia'.

What make me blushed was when he sat next to me in the meeting...I didn't look at him cause I was so nervous...and that moment, how I wished I am pretty and younger...👧

The meeting that supposed to be ended in the afternoon around 12 was continued untill evening...I was happy actually because the time we were together was longer than I thought...despite of felt bored and burden, I felt delighted...but he didn't like it..he just wanted to go back ASAP...for me the longer he was here the happier I felt...we lunch together, discussed together and I was happy to talk with him...what made me surprised was when we discussed about a few lot with issue there was a place where unforgetable moment happened as he was the one saving my flown away plan in the rain...when the chairman talked about that lot, he immediately whispered to me...is that the place while we were checking the lot, a big tractor appeared...I just smiled and nodded to him...in my heart, I said oh my god, he still remember that moment...where after the big tractor appeared, while I was trying to run away from the tractor, my plan was flown away and he was the one who picked up and handed me that plan...once again I felt so happy...

After the meeting, I just wanted to sent him off...saying goodbye..but I was being held by en. Faredzul, MADA officer...he kept talking with me and abg kerul...talked about the work and all his ex superior who turned out to be my superior which were dato' Loh and Mr. Chiang...I thought that he would went back already cause the talking took about 15 minutes...but when I stepped out from JPS office, I took a glanced toward the parking lot just in front of the office, I could see his white car was still there...I was sooo happy...😍😘😊

He was in the driver seat, the door was wide open...his friend was standing outside of the car smoking...i can see him trying to switched on the engine but it didn't worked...in my heart once again I whispered...is this what people call destiny...😍😍 I walked slowly to my car that I parked just next to his car and put my bag inside..then I went to his car tried to check what happened...he was trying to switched on the engine..the way he trying to insert the key into the key panel, trying to rotate the key again and again was so cool...I was like...oh my god, he looked awesome, stylish and very manly...I had to calm down cause I didn't want anybody to see my blushing face...I was smilling broadly inside my heart...

After a few unsuccessful attempt to switched on the car, abg kerul offered him to find any close by mechanic, so we left them and I drove my car to help them find a mechanic...but half way out, he called and told abg kerul that the car can be started...so I just left and still didn't had the opportunity to say goodbye...if this is not the end, I would love to see him again...I really love that...all the way back to office, I was smilling, but I had to controlled not to be seen by abg kerul...

In the office, I felt like I want to dance...i
 danced a bit fyi 😆😆  cause I was so happy...it had been a long time I didn't felt this kind of feeling...having this feeling again was so good even tho it was only a one sided feeling...😍😘😍

And that night, around 9...I made a bold attempt to text him to ask about his car...I was doubted at first whether to text him or not...my heart was beating so hard when I tried to touch the sent button...and I thought o myself, if it wasn't now, I might not having any opportunity in the future...so I touched the sent button and  I immediately threw my phone away cause I was ashame...a few minutes later, he replied...I was so happy...we texting to each other about 2 hours...a few things we had chatted and it was a good chat...😁😁 I know this might be the first and the last time I can chat with him..after this, I really don't know what the reason to text him...😢😢 I dont want to be greedy keep wanted more but I really really hope that this is not the end...I knew I really had fall in love with this guy...he had all the criteria of my dream guy...if he is not the one...perhaps I can meet someone who exactly just like him...but I really hope that he is the one...hopefully 😆😆😆

People say, it is better to be rejected rather than not trying to do anything...I know exactly what I need to do if I'd be rejected...yeah, I might be sad for a moment but I used with it...the problem is, I really dont know what I should do if i'd be accepted...so what are u waiting for, tell him how you had been felt about him...confess to him..its seem so simple, but it is actually harder to share whats in my heart...i might create a big, strong wall between us if I confess..things won't be the same anymore...I am so scare with the consequent afterwards...destiny, right now I need your help...please play your role...I really need you to bring us back together again...I was so tired being dump a thousand time...



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Episode 5: Lunatic Obsessive Admirer Part 1

Assalamualaikum wbt & hi everyone...(I lost my words and don't know how to greet)...well, actually Im trying my best to post all my episodes in here...hopefully, i'd manage to do that...there are about 4-5 episodes left so im wishing myself best of luck...it is not easy to share and revealed the stories i've been hiding since last year..it took me about a few months before I decided to share...so I think whoever read my episodes are lucky enough to know my stories...you might be the chosen one...so keep on reading...may all the lucks be with you...this episode tells on how my feeling started to grow...here we go...my episode 5

When something like this happened to me...I feel wronged....how could this happened to me...why I fall in love with him...why himm...why it was happened that he was the one who picked up my plan...why u help me picked up the plan...why didn't u just ignore it and let someone else (if there was one) did that for me..why he did this to me...why he made me really into him...why!! Why!! Why!!! 😱😫😖🙇

He was really cruel cause he made me this way...he shouldn't make me fall in love with him if he didnt felt the same way...this is so unfair....😳😳

before I started to turn into some obsessive lunatic admirer...I get a hold of myself...collecting some sense and then come up with a very good idea in preventing my heart to fall deeper in love with that gentleman...what I had been doing the whole day today is, if I started to think to stalk him....I would selawat toward prophet muhammad s.a.w...in that way, instead of checking whether he's online or not I had turn to gain more pahala...Alhamdulillah...I think this is a best method to control your heart feeling by turning them into positive way...I hope to be istiqamah...keep maintaining doing this and stop this obsessive behaviour....😊😊

I cannot lie to myself...pretending that im all  ok... I just cannot stop thinking about him... I did my best to forget about what happened... I feel like I'm dying I'm suffering.... Suffocating... I don't want to keep feeling upset thinking about myself keep failing to confess... keep obsessed about someone... I just don't think that I deserve him... He was much more better than me... too kind too Handsome to handle... I just wanted to say this 3 word to him if I get the opportunity... That I liked him since he picked up my plan... And when he started to admitted his colleague fault in front of the landlord.. He was really down to earth... And that's what makes me to like him more...

I got a few pictures of him but only his side and back view.... I don't know how but I got his pic when I capture some site view for my work.. I keep looking at those pictures wondering if I could tell him the truth about how I feel and confess....

Whether I am lucky enough or destiny really bring us back together...the moment i've been waiting for is about to happen...after pn hidayah called me and told me that there is a meeting with JPS, MADA and surveyor...I can see a light through my eyes....yeah, I felt delighted, blushed to think about he might be attend too...

And because of that, I made a deal with my own self...I told myself....sarah, if it happened that he is the one that attend the meeting or he show up in the meeting, I wanted to confess to him...I want to tell him how much I like him...despite of his age...I know he's way younger than me but I dont mind...I like him the way he is...I really liked him since that day...

That's why I didn't ask ayu who'd coming for this meeting...I keep my mouth shut and I didn't ask untill today she called me and told me herself she and that guy would come...I was shocked...because I really sure that he'd not come...because the one that prepared and amend the plan is ayu not him...I thought the one who might come is en.ismail because he has much more experience that anyone else...that's why I made the deal...

I thought I had to take back my deal...the deal is canceled...I dont want to confess...I dont want to make thing complicated...I dont want to change this professional relationship into something awkward....noo, im not going to do that...I'm sorry, I take back my words...no more confession, the deal is off...

I want to act casual if he come tomorrow...I dont want anything to be revealed...let Allah decide what the best for me...I dont want to have any desire...I just need to play cool....like there's nothing bothered me...doesn't mean that u had no one to be loved or no one by your side...you cannot be happy...happiness is what you attempt to be...happiness doesn't choose whom deserve to be happy....its in your hand...so girls, dont be sad...just get out from here n be happy...😁😁


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