UNSPOKEN LONGINGNESS

At a moment, when you felt longing for someone. Missing someone that you could not tell about, you felt exhausted. You cried all night thinking how miserable you were. You were so numb, could not think, could not react what you did just burst into tears without blinking, with your eyes wide open. You could feel the warm, thickened tears was streamed down your cheek so fast like the drops of heavy rain fallen onto your glass window. At the same time, you kept thinking about someone who started to leave you behind in your darkest world. Again and again. 

This despair repetitive event had ripped your heart open, leaving you bleeding out in vain until your last drop of blood was dried out. Force you to feel the excruciating pain of your last breath. 

It was really painful. 

I don’t deserved to be liked

I don’t deserved to be loved

I don’t even deserved to be missed

Maybe I just deserved to be a loner 🥺😔😭

SEPI SEORANG PERINDU - J.A

The conversation, the connection and the chemistry seem like it was a real one or I was full of myself again?? 😔. Started with the simplest “me too 😊”. And then, one day, I woke up seen myself in the crowd became a stranger. Again. It took me a couple of years in being hidden to gain my strength just to make an effort that seem simple but in the end of the day all went down the drain.  

я скучаю по вам

When I started to feel happy, flustered, because of someone. Eventually in the end of the day what left was sorrow. I had tried my best but it seem I am not good enough or it is in my nature to make people leave. I need someone to tell me what is wrong with me so that I can be better. The wrong I made seem unforgiving so I was left stranded in my empty darkest space figuring out on my own the mistakes I may made.

Hendak diluah rasa takut…

Kalau dipendam rasa sakit…

Tak daya nak hadap dua-dua 😭

Jadi aku mendiamkan diri…

Tak ada niat untuk menjauh…

Cuma bimbang untuk memulakan, risau tidak dibalas…

No matter what, I have to bear with all my guts. And believed things happened because Allah want to give me a lesson that I should not put my hopes toward human. Have faith, be strong, always seeks for Allah guidance IN MY EVERY SUJUD AND PRAY .

Keep telling Allah

What your heart wants the most

Keep talking to Him

Keep believing that

What's you're asking is something

Only Allah can give

And he will give you

You just have to believe it

~Anonymous~

Notes: I am all aware, nobody would read my heart voice. I believe only the chosen one deserve to read.

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MY WORN OUT HEART

Being idle for a while from any social media makes me pounder real hard. All this while, I thought I has been patience enough to deal with this. But no I have not. I was very fragile, easily get tempered, selfish, badass, had always seen things in negative way and ego to someone I really care about. For that, I am truthfully apologize from the deepest bottom of my heart. 

I forgot I have the whole world to live up my life. I have my always-concern-parents, siblings to seek help and friends to share. And the most important thing, I have my only ONE creator that I should worshipped and turn to anytime for my whole life. Allah would never leave me behind, would always be there to light up my path, always listen to my prayer, keeps on remind me when I started to astray and always protect me in a way that I thought bad but that is what have been safe keeping my dignity as a true muslimah.

Now I can see how Allah loves me so much. Has been given me a chance to be happy even for a while but when I started to be neglectful, with all the loves, Allah remind and take my hand gently to the right path.

To someone that has been appeared and cheered up my life even just for a while. I am really appreciate your existence for being there to make me feel like it has been mutual and I am matter in this world even I am aware the truth is, it is all the way one sided. The thing that I felt inside my heart for that moment is priceless and I would not regret having it. However, I have to keep it and lock it with the key thrown away in a safe box hidden inside my worn out heart. Because I could not afford to bear another disappointments. For the time being, I leave everything to Allah to decide and give me the best answer for sake of my future . With all my heart, I would painfully embrace anything that had been written in my book of destiny. 

Worst or Best. 

Painful or Happiness.

So dear my worn out heart, please be patience. 

Allah would never disappointed someone with a good thought towards Him and a patient heart.

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DOA SEORANG HAMBA

 Ya Allah, Tuhan yang Maha Penyayang lagi Maha Pengasihani.

Aku berdoa bersungguh-sungguh kepada Mu Ya Allah, agar Engkau dapat mengurniakan jodoh yang terbaik buat hambaMu ini.

Jodoh yang walau tak sempurna, namun ikhlas, jujur dan bertanggungjawab untuk menyempurnakan hidup ku di dunia hingga ke Jannah.

Walau siapa pun dia, asalnya, sikapnya, rupanya, keturunannya, aku yakin jika dia jodoh yang sudah tertulis sejak azali, kau pertemukanlah kami jika bukan di dunia, di akhirat kelak.

jika dia tak baik, kau baikkanlah dia utk Aku

jika dia kurang beriman, bertaqwa dan beramal soleh, kau perbaikilah keimanan, ketaqwaannya untuk Aku

jika hatinya tidak tetap, kau tetapkanlah hati dia untuk Aku

jika dia ragu-ragu, kau mantapkanlah keyakinan dia untuk Aku

jika dia tiada perasaan rindu, kau pupuklah perasaan rindunya untuk Aku

jika dia marah, kau tenangkanlah dia untuk Aku

jika dia buntu, kau berikanlah dia petunjuk dan hidayah Mu untuk Aku

jika dia lemah, kau kuatkanlah jiwanya untuk Aku

jika dia sakit, kau sembuhkanlah dia untuk Aku

jika dia kesempitan, kau lapangkanlah masa dan rezekinya untuk Aku

Sesungguhnya hanya Engkau yang mampu memberi petunjuk dan hidayah kepada Hamba-Mu,

pemilik mutlak nyawa dan hati seluruh makhluk di dunia ini.

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THE VIRTUAL ME

 I might not have thousands followers or following thousands account users cause my little circle is what I am comfortable with

I might not have thousands of likes or thousands of views cause I choose to be humble with my lame and not outstanding profile

I might not have fancy stories to share everyday cause it is best to be reserved and I choose to share only with my trust persons in my real world

I might not like or leave comment but deep down I always pray for the best for what you have shared

I might not have many fascinated photos to share cause I care about the people who less fortunate

I might not immediately up my status just to expose or share how deep my thought is cause in the end of the day no one really care

I might not immediately view the pop up status/stories because seen their wonderful life could turn me into ungrateful person

I am just me, not entangled inside those virtual medium that believe made up to connect people but in fact it is toxication cause I believe the real world is much more honest and beautiful for us to be in 

Do not valuate/judge my personality through how I interact in social media because the REAL ME IS OUT HERE IN OUR REAL WORLD

LET SHARE MORE IN OUR REAL WORLD

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