Assalamualaikum wbt & hi everyone...(I lost my words and don't know how to greet)...well, actually Im trying my best to post all my episodes in here...hopefully, i'd manage to do that...there are about 4-5 episodes left so im wishing myself best of luck...it is not easy to share and revealed the stories i've been hiding since last year..it took me about a few months before I decided to share...so I think whoever read my episodes are lucky enough to know my stories...you might be the chosen one...so keep on reading...may all the lucks be with you...this episode tells on how my feeling started to grow...here we go...my episode 5
When something like this happened to me...I feel wronged....how could this happened to me...why I fall in love with him...why himm...why it was happened that he was the one who picked up my plan...why u help me picked up the plan...why didn't u just ignore it and let someone else (if there was one) did that for me..why he did this to me...why he made me really into him...why!! Why!! Why!!! 😱😫😖🙇
He was really cruel cause he made me this way...he shouldn't make me fall in love with him if he didnt felt the same way...this is so unfair....😳😳
before I started to turn into some obsessive lunatic admirer...I get a hold of myself...collecting some sense and then come up with a very good idea in preventing my heart to fall deeper in love with that gentleman...what I had been doing the whole day today is, if I started to think to stalk him....I would selawat toward prophet muhammad s.a.w...in that way, instead of checking whether he's online or not I had turn to gain more pahala...Alhamdulillah...I think this is a best method to control your heart feeling by turning them into positive way...I hope to be istiqamah...keep maintaining doing this and stop this obsessive behaviour....😊😊
I cannot lie to myself...pretending that im all ok... I just cannot stop thinking about him... I did my best to forget about what happened... I feel like I'm dying I'm suffering.... Suffocating... I don't want to keep feeling upset thinking about myself keep failing to confess... keep obsessed about someone... I just don't think that I deserve him... He was much more better than me... too kind too Handsome to handle... I just wanted to say this 3 word to him if I get the opportunity... That I liked him since he picked up my plan... And when he started to admitted his colleague fault in front of the landlord.. He was really down to earth... And that's what makes me to like him more...
I got a few pictures of him but only his side and back view.... I don't know how but I got his pic when I capture some site view for my work.. I keep looking at those pictures wondering if I could tell him the truth about how I feel and confess....
Whether I am lucky enough or destiny really bring us back together...the moment i've been waiting for is about to happen...after pn hidayah called me and told me that there is a meeting with JPS, MADA and surveyor...I can see a light through my eyes....yeah, I felt delighted, blushed to think about he might be attend too...
And because of that, I made a deal with my own self...I told myself....sarah, if it happened that he is the one that attend the meeting or he show up in the meeting, I wanted to confess to him...I want to tell him how much I like him...despite of his age...I know he's way younger than me but I dont mind...I like him the way he is...I really liked him since that day...
That's why I didn't ask ayu who'd coming for this meeting...I keep my mouth shut and I didn't ask untill today she called me and told me herself she and that guy would come...I was shocked...because I really sure that he'd not come...because the one that prepared and amend the plan is ayu not him...I thought the one who might come is en.ismail because he has much more experience that anyone else...that's why I made the deal...
I thought I had to take back my deal...the deal is canceled...I dont want to confess...I dont want to make thing complicated...I dont want to change this professional relationship into something awkward....noo, im not going to do that...I'm sorry, I take back my words...no more confession, the deal is off...
I want to act casual if he come tomorrow...I dont want anything to be revealed...let Allah decide what the best for me...I dont want to have any desire...I just need to play cool....like there's nothing bothered me...doesn't mean that u had no one to be loved or no one by your side...you cannot be happy...happiness is what you attempt to be...happiness doesn't choose whom deserve to be happy....its in your hand...so girls, dont be sad...just get out from here n be happy...😁😁
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